Lent is here again and it is time to rekindle, at least for me it is, a commitment to be a better child of Christ. Being a cultural Catholic for most of my life I have only been consciously on this journey for a couple of decades, and in truth only with any serious commitment over the past 7 years.
Lent in my earlier reversion years was a time to give up sweets, or maybe a favourite TV show. But then what? It took me many years to realize, only vaguely at first, that to give something up meant that the time should be filled with activities that would serve to bring one closer to Christ, joining our little crosses to his monumental one. I used to dread Lent, truly! The thought making my little sacrifices and often giving in to my weak will and indulging or finding back doors so that suffering could be lessened, was not appealing so much was my dread of it that I would often neglect to give anything up and sort of make up little sacrifices along the way to appease the occasional pricks of conscience.
God is truly merciful God who, in his unbounded love for us allows us to come to him and is there always waiting for us to finally wake up to his perfect will and wisdom. Despite my many years of prideful indifference to this miraculous opportunity he was ready and waiting for that day when I would finally recognize what a gift Lent is, what a Divine act of Love.
So now I still struggle with my mortifications, sacrifices, and fasts, but instead of looking to myself and my own will to get me through it, I use each moment of struggle as a step to turn to God and his Mercy. My fasts are geared toward not only sacrifice, but reminding myself that this body which God has given me is to be treated with respect. All that goes in it should first be to keep it strong so as to serve our Lord in my duties as wife and mother. The time which I whittled away with social media and entertaining myself with favourite films and tv shows should be time spent with my God, through meditations, reading and service. In the end Love can only increase as sacrifice increases, and in turn as Love increases sacrifice is made easier, because the very nature of true love is sacrificial and a willed denial of self for the beloved.
In the end, at the ripe old age of 49, finally I am starting to understand Lent, and love it. No I am no masochist, suffering is not fun and it hurts, but because I am such a sinner it takes this intense reminder for me to pick up my cross and truly, willfully, follow our Lord. And while to journey is hard and rife with temptations and attacks from the enemy, the fruits are always worth it. Even if it is a barely noticeable increase in my closeness to our Lord, it is worth it.
What he endured for us, are we prepared to endure for him?
May God Bless you and Keep you on your Lenten Journey,
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
