It is ironic that what would prompt my return to writing is reading a book. The book is part of a mentoring course that I am taking with my two eldest children, Ivania and Gabriel. The title is "Gift from the sea."
On the surface "The Gift from the Sea" is a book about a woman's need for space and time to explore herself and create. Lindberg is an artist yearning for the luxury of time to simply create, without distractions, without the burdens of day to day life in the 1950s. I agree with her that we all, not just women but all of us, need quiet time to reflect on what is important, what our priorities should be, what inspires us. Where I think she misses the mark is that she only subtly brushes the notion that this is somehow tied into the eternal, the supra-natural, God. It is here that I think her book loses so much and fails all of us, but most particular it fails her.
I find it sad and unfortunate that she sees her day to day life as a hindrance to her discovery of herself and her inspiration. I believe that it is in our day to day life, those things that we seem to see as so mundane and burdensome, that we find our centre. It is in these tasks, as much as in our quiet times, that God speaks to us, if only we could listen. And it is through God's voice, in whatever manner that it comes to us, that creativity, in the truest sense of the word can come into being. To those who are struggling with guilt over trying to find time for self-discovery, formation, growth, I think we have lost the ability to find and achieve all this even in the throws of our daily duties. Indeed she too alludes to this in her chapter Moon Shell.
"Mechanically we have gained, in the last generation, but spiritually we have, I think, unwittingly lost. In other times women had in their lives more forces which centered them whether or not they realized it, sources which nourished them whether or not they consciously went to those springs. Their very seclusion in their home gave them time alone. Many of their duties were conducive to quiet contemplative drawing together of the self. They had more creative tasks to perform. Nothing feeds the center so much as creative work, even humble kinds like cooking and sewing. Baking bread, weaving cloth putting up preserves, teaching and singing to children, must have been far more nourishing than being a family chauffeur or shopping at supermarkets, or doing housework with mechanical aids." (pg. 46)
In her day the "art and craft of housework (had) diminished" and today it has virtually disappeared. And with it much of the time and quiet we can find to reflect and be in the presence of ourselves and should we choose, and we should choose, with God. Despite this shift there are some women, by the Grace of God, who have chosen to dedicate their lives to a homelife. I truly believe that as women we have such a beautiful gift of being able to do this, and I agree with her that this life is much more a woman's lot than a man's. By unlike her I see this as a gift not a lot. It is easier to turn our daily duties toward God and self-discovery in the home than out there in the world.
As I journey through the book, examining these "gifts from the sea" that she has picked up and treasures, I realize that many of the questions that she asks, the insights she gains are inviting. The need to find that centre, the need for quiet in which to do so, the vision to recognize when we are filling our lives with needless clutter to fill an emptiness that to us seems too daunting to examine, the need to rid ones life of that same clutter that acts as a barrier to being able to see what is truly important. These are all profoundly important to consider, and in so far as she invites us to do so this is a worthwhile read. But unfortunately she does not go to the core of the search, she does not dig. To dig she tells us is to "defeat the purpose." (pg. 11) To dig is to be greedy and impatient and ultimately to lack faith. What we must do is simply wade and wait for the sea to bring us the gifts. For life to deliver to us the answers that we need. Searching, digging, exploring too deeply cannot supply us with the great insights that come to those who open themselves, empty themselves and wait to be filled. But filled with what?
She is very much a reflection of a particular mindset in the fifties that was pushing for what they called greater equality. She believed that there was in fact a change between men and women that would mark a shift in their relationship. This shift would mean a truer, more honest, more equal relationship that would come about as women were seen as mens equals, not simply equal in dignity, which is what Christ has taught regardless of how that teaching may have been ignored or distorted it has always been his call for us. This new equality, equality of opportunity and ability, which to her mind and that of the feminist movement, would create a world where relationships between men and women would "no longer follow traditional patterns of submission and domination or possession and competition." Here again she has missed the deeper issue. She is convinced that this superficial shift by creating a world where women and men have virtually the same opportunity will somehow mean that they will be seen as having the same abilitiy, and this would further translate into greater fulfillment and better relationships. Has this fantasy been born out? Are women not treated today even more like objects but now in the disguise of freedom of opportunity? Look at how women are objectified today. The explosion of the pornography industry is one horrifying example of women being dominated and possessed. Some might claim that they are free to do as they please now, they have been freed to exercise their will as men have throughout history in most areas of society even and especially in the most intimate area. But is this better? Is this freedom? Is the kind of self fulfillment that Lindberg had in mind? I hope not.
Our journey to self-fulfilment, the fulfilling of self, the filling of self with self, must be taken alone. "A woman must come of age by herself." (pg.89) The lie of self-sufficiency here rear its ugly head. This same self-sufficient that has made it possible for our culture to deny the rights of the child in the womb because he/she is not yet self-sufficient. He/she encroaches on the life of the woman, invades her. It lends itself to the justification of the position that euthanasia is a viable and even "humane" response to those who are incapable of caring for themselves. They too being guilty of a lack of self-sufficiency and thereby impose themselves on others. But who is truly self-sufficient? Who does not need and yearn for others? Self-sufficiency does not exist in any honest sense. How can we have true family and true community if we embrace such a notion of fulfilment? We cannot. Family and community, those places where we learn to become who we are called to be require not self-preoccupation but self-denial. We must deny self to find self. We must die to self in order to be born again in Christ, we must be willing, as our Blessed mother was willing, to make room for other. Fulfillment in the end is not the filling of self with self, but rather it is the emptying of self so as to make room for God.
What a very lonely, empty concept. Is it any wonder that there is this sense of sadness and loneliness as we read? What is implicit throughout the book is arguably the opposite of what is true. Fulfillment comes when we embrace our connections, open ourselves to union, find meaning in all those things which lend themselves to communion which inevitably brings us to not the focus on self but the denial of self, self-sacrifice. Fulfillment in the end is not the filling of self with self, but rather it is the emptying of self so as to make room for God.
Finally she implies that the women of her daughters generation, my generation, seem to have arrived. They are to be admired for what she thinks is a richer life. Richer because they have moved past the restrictive and oppressive limits of previous generations. That there are more women in the workforce, trying to balance career and home is a good. That they have failed, in the truest sense of the word is irrelevant to Lindberg, and that they may or may not be happier is also irrelevant. For Lindberg the true success is in the journey for the journeys sake. But as von Hildebrand tells us "the crucial question is not whether a person is creative, but rather what does he create." If we measure progress by the number of women in particular fields, the fact that women who can vote, the of women who are independent achieving great financial success, fame, power, notoriety, by the number of women who are unwed and going it alone, then yes I guess there is progress. But what is all that in light of eternity? As the Good book tells us in Matthew 16:26 "For what does it profit a man, if he gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his own soul?" Kierkegaard warns that we have turned our world upside down and that we have absolutized the relative (money-making, power, success) and relativized the absolute (truth, moral values, God.) In thinking that a world of more varied opportunity means a world of greater fulfillment we have done just that. I am by no means glamorizing earlier generations and times, but I am quite confident that this time has no fewer hardships, just different and I would argue more eternally dangerous.
The book fails in that much of her conclusions are superficial, despite the fact that she seems to think they are profound. It fails because they are focused on the a secular goal of life success that fails women and as such it fails the world. If "the value of a people is gauged by the value of its women," then what does that say of a people that has chosen to reject the feminine almost entirely for the sake of a female population that has rejected the masculine in men and adopted it in its women? Is this anyway to show the value of women? The book succeeds in that it inspires one, whether we agree with her conclusions or not, to consider if she is right or wrong. It is this question, it is in this considering, that we find the real gift from the sea. In taking the time to consider her questions, and even to consider the validity of her questions, I was able to find my own answers, but also come up with my own questions, questions that have allowed me to move on my journey to grow as a better wife, mother, and ultimately daughter of Christ. To move past self-fulfillment toward our greatest calling, that is to true fulfillment, to filling ourselves with Christ. "In order to understand the greatness of a woman's mission, we must open our minds and our hearts to the message of the supernatural. It is the key that will reveal to us the greatness of femininity," the greatness of self.
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