To Be Your Witness: Modest dresses? Modest Women?

"A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to prove you're a lady." Edith Head

Several months ago while trying to help a friend find modest bridesmaid dresses for her daughters wedding I came across some interesting interpretations of what constitutes "modest dresses." After searching high and low in bridal stores, dress shops, and several thrift shops and consignment stores to no avail we took our search to Google. (Just a short side bar here, I have found that if one is looking for affordable, modest, original clothing thrift stores and consignment stores are always the way to go, however when you need four dresses of the same style but in different sizes it gets a little trickier!)

My daughter and I spent some time together looking for websites that might have modest, reasonably priced, tasteful, bridesmaid dresses, and found a few. But what struck me when we started our search were the first couple of websites that we came across that fell under the heading "modest dresses" where anything but! Oye Vey! Here are some examples of the clothes that came up under modest attire....

These were the tamer ones, the others showed way more cleavage and leg than I am comfortable publishing. One of my favorites was a report on no pant pants....sheesh that one is worthy of a post all on its own!!!

Sorry I guess I did put in a little flesh, but this one was a must see!

Now some might look at these and think well, OK not the most modest but definitely not as immodest as some of the clothes out there in the high schools, malls, or just walking down the street. I would say that we have become so accustomed to indecency around us that many no longer even notice it until it is shoved in your face. We have moved the modesty bar down so low because we have forgotten what the purpose of modesty really is. And if we understand the purpose of modesty, it then becomes clear that the above styles, like most of today's styles fail the modesty test miserably.

So what is the purpose and end of modesty? Why is it important? Is it necessary in our enlightened culture where men are supposed to be able to control their urges and not be tempted by the sight of feminine flesh?

Modesty is defined in the Oxford English dictionary as: behaviour, manner, or appearance intended to avoid impropriety or indecency. Modesty is also typically understood as a virtue that has as it's purpose and end to protect and preserve purity. In other words modesty as a virtue is at the service of purity. Purity could be understood as the centre of the human person, that part of our nature that is free from corruption, moral, intellectual, physical, and spiritual. Purity cannot exist or survive without the safeguard provided from many different virtues, temperance being one of the more crucial virtues and modesty an integral part of temperance. It is in this context that I would like to talk about modesty. Modesty as it protects "the intimate centre of the person...(as) it guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of persons." 2521 Catechism of the Catholic Church

Here we see modesty explained as a virtue by the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

2522
Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one's choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet.

2523
There is a modesty of the feelings as well as of the body. It protests, for example, against the voyeuristic explorations of the human body in certain advertisements, or against the solicitations of certain media that go too far in the exhibition of intimate things. Modesty inspires a way of life which makes it possible to resist the allurements of fashion and the pressures of prevailing ideologies.

2524
The forms taken by modesty vary from one culture to another. Everywhere, however, modesty exists as an intuition of the spiritual dignity proper to man. It is born with the awakening consciousness of being a subject. Teaching modesty to children and adolescents means awakening in them respect for the human person.

So modesty properly understood, and in the context of my search of modest clothing in particular, refers to a means of protecting persons from being objectified, that is from being viewed as an object of desire, of entertainment, and even in some cases of abuse. Modesty in dress is meant to allow us to be seen and recognized with a dignity that is intrinsic to our very being. It takes away the temptation of seeing not the person but rather the sexual appeal the person, and the woman especially, may inspire. It allows us to be taken more seriously, more truly, in all walks and at all stages of life. In a way it is the uniform of personhood.

Why is modesty generally addressed more toward feminine attire than masculine? Are there standards of modesty for men as well as women. Yes of course there are standards for men, and men like women should follow a standard of behaviour and dress that reflects his human dignity, but the fact is an indecently dressed man does not threaten the virtue of purity nearly as readily as an indecently dressed woman. I am of course speaking in generalities, and do not discount the existence of women who are easily lured into impurity and objectification of men by indecency, but generally speaking it is men who tend to be more visual, tend to be more easily tempted into lustful thoughts and tend more easily to objectify women as tools for their sexual gratification. We need only look at the epidemic level of male addiction to pornography to recognize this truth.

To dress modestly, to dress with a notion of self respect is also to dress with an understanding and respect for others. Comfort, convenience, desires, fashion trends, should not be the primary motivator behind how we dress. Rather, charity, self respect, personal dignity are more appropriate motivators. As to what is appropriate or exactly what should qualify as modest clothing is not set in stone or condemned to a strict code as some might think, at least not in my opinion. I do believe there are more modest and less modest choice that can still qualify under appropriate attire. For example some might argue that only skirts and dresses past the knee, well fitted but not so tight as to make movement difficult or pantie lines visible, are to be considered appropriate for women. Blouses and shirts should not be lower than two fingers past the collar bone, and should not come up to uncover the mid-drift or be so tight as to show outlines of undergarments, with sleeves that cover the arm up to the elbow. Now while I do think that the above examples are the most modest and feminine choices a woman can make, I do not think that a woman in a loose fitting suit or trousers with a feminine blouse is not necessarily immodest. I also recognize that sometimes wearing a skirt for certain activities may sometimes prove to be impractical and immodest.

I also understand that one can be dressed perfectly modestly and femininely and still behave in an immodest manner, but I also know from my own personal experience that dressing modestly can go a long way to help remind us that we are ladies and as such should be behave like ladies.

In the end I am convinced that a return to at least some standard of modesty in dress and behavior is needed. I see far too often the outcome of women being viewed and treated as objects, being stripped (excuse the pun) of their dignity. I believe we women have a responsibility to ourselves and to our brothers to be and dress more modestlythan what is currrently accepted as appropriate. And I believe that Archbishop Fulton Sheen expresses it best when he tells us: "To a great extent the level of any civilization is the level of its womanhood. When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”

God Bless,
Dominique