A moment in time

I find myself more and more yearning for calm and a true charity toward others in my aging. I used to think that as we get older we get more tolerant, less uptight, and more ready to let things go....apparently that is not part of my aging process!

To be fair, I do find myself better able to let things go in some important areas of my life, for example in my marriage. Well at  least more of the time than I did in my youth anyway! My husband and I have overtime grown better at resolving our conflicts than we ever were, and I believe that that is due in part to our ability to just let things slide that we used to jump on. It is also due in larger part to God's Divine Mercy and Grace in our lives. Though we are by no means near good at it, but better is nothing to sneeze at.es

With my children I find that I am not nearly as patient and laid back as I once was, for some things anyway, but then I find that it is such as tenuous dynamic with teenagers and preteens than with toddlers and young children. And of course looking at the world through my current eyes, the eyes of an old pregnant lady who is struggling with severe nausea, tolerance is not something that comes easy to me about anything these days!!! But even factoring that in, and I would not say that I am an old curmudgeon, at least not yet, I do find some things more and more difficult to be tolerant about, or to be immediately forgiving of.

I got to thinking about this today after losing my temper while I was standing in line waiting to go to confession before Mass. One Mass had just ended and people were mulling out of the sanctuary and the noise level was almost deafening.

The Mass that our family attends is a noon High Mass and we often get there about half an hour early as our older boys serve and one assists the sacristan and helps to set up the alter for the High Mass. So it is quite common for us to be there as the earlier Mass is getting out. Usually around this time one of the men who attends the noon Mass begins to pray the Rosary out loud. This sometimes helps to remind those leaving that there are people there who are either still praying or who have arrived early in order to spend quiet time in God's real presence to pray.

Anyway I digress. As I stood in line waiting and praying, trying to take some time to reflect upon my difficult week, a week of vacillating between feeling sorry for myself, feeling angry at my children's failings in their household duties (and at my own,) and losing sight of God's many Blessings and great Mercies in my life, I found myself getting distracted by the noise. All of a sudden I was not thinking of my failings, I was focusing on the failings of all these people, most complete strangers, who were seemingly oblivious to where they were and of the fact that there were people there who desperately yearned for the silence and peace of a quiet church before Mass. I forgot about my own failings and instead could not seem to let go of a growing anger at these noise makers. What made matters worse, I thought to myself, was there was a priest, standing there in the sanctuary, chatting away with a parishioner. Oh that just made me fume, how on earth can we expect lay people understand that this a sacred place, a place which is deserving of the greatest reverence, chit chatting about who knows what. Why can't he go to his office to chat? Why not the breezeway, why not the Hall where there was at that moment a social going on with refreshments?

By the time I got into the confessional I was confessing anger and lack of charity toward neighbour that had more to do with my disposition at that very moment and the swell of emotion just prior to entering the confessional than all the instances throughout the previous two weeks!

As I walked away, acutely aware of my stumbling I began to think of the level of self righteousness involved in feeling as angry as I was. Don't get me wrong, I do think there are times when it is appropriate to be offended by the ignorance of others, but to stand in judgement, to find oneself fuming with anger at what one might perceive to be blatant disrespect, is not right, is not charitable, is not what I believe we are called to. After all it was not that long ago that I was one of those people chatting and even gossiping in the presence of our Lord. So what are we to do in such situations? Is it reasonable to spend our time and energy dwelling on and condemning others?

No I do not believe so. I wish that our Bishops and our Priests would foster a greater reverence for the Sacred spaces that are our churches. We might pray for a conversion of heart of the faithful, and a greater interest in coming to understand the Mass and the Real Presence of Christ in the Tabernacle. But I must also pray for a more charitable disposition toward my neighbour. I need to stop thinking and assuming that it is out of disrespect that many people behave the way they do in Christ's presence. I need to remember that our faithful are not taught reverence and our catholic culture has been so busy over the last several decades trying to make the Faith more down to earth, more palatable, more relevant, that we have pushed the Sacred right out of the picture. In our local parish Christ has been ushered out into a seperate room, the Jesus closet as my children call it. I think it is ironic that in the same church we have two glass enclosed areas, a crying room and a room to put the tabernacle. It is no wonder that so many forget where they are and in Whose presence they are.

Everywhere we turn there are places to socialize, cafes, community  centres, Church halls, bowling alleys, friends' homes, gyms, book clubs, dance clubs, pubs, and the list goes on. But how many truly Sacred spaces do we have? How many spaces are there where we are able to spend time in God's presence, in His Real presence? If you are Catholic then it is really and truly only in our churches, before Christ in the Tabernacle. What a gift that is! What a miracle! What an opportunity to be able to reach out, in time, and join with all the angels in Heaven and commune with the true and living God! And would that gift not be better appreciated in a spirit of charity and prayer rather than judgement and condemnation?

God Bless,
Dominique